Me: Why do you always do that?
Carl: Do what?
Me: Wait for me to order something gluttonous like steak and mashed potatoes and a beer and then show me up by ordering a goddamn salad. With water.
Carl: But I like salad.
Me: No one fucking likes salad.
Carl: You mean, you don’t like salad.
Me: That’s what I said.
Carl: You really get angry about food, ya know.
Me: Add that to my list of issues I need to address.