It is Sunday, seven-thirty in the goddamn morning and someone in the neighborhood has Coldplay cranked up to decibels that should be illegal. Don’t people know you listen to Coldplay quietly when you’re sitting by yourself in your car and no one else can hear it?
I’m about to pull a Michone and start slashing speaker cables and subwoofers, but another neighbor’s dog starts barking. She has just let him outside to pee and he won’t stop barking until she lets him back in. Fuck. T- minus 26 minutes.
And then someone starts mowing their lawn. And another person starts hammering something.
What the hell? It’s Sunday. It’s my day of rest. Go the fuck to sleep!!
Also, Robin Thicke – please shave your stache – you’re just giving more power to young Justin Bieber’s wanna-be stache.
This week I learned I’m a cranky S.O.B:
- David Pollack – please sit your ass down and keep your big mouth shut.
- Dr. Jekyll? Meet Mr. Hyde. Also, Oprah is my Moriarty.
- Jane Child brought my day down to a 4
- stay away from me, salad!
- get off my lawn!
The interwebs is an infinite and mysterious place:
- Miley – you’re forgiven and now I can’t get this version of this song out of my head and ohmyGod – get out my head!
- Cumberbatch – Rickman – I like big butts while sipping on gin and juice. Laid back – with my mind on my money and my money on my mind.
- TED talks are all lies!
- you won’t believe what this bishop spent $42 million on
- I cannot take my eyes off this video from The Paper Kites
I’m stealing these tweets and making them into a giant rubber ducky: