I like wasting time. Let me look at cat videos
Somehow, between the hours of midnight and six a.m., I managed to lose my phone. This seems to happen frequently and it is doing something wicked to my brain.
I was frantic this morning, bordering on frightened.
How am I supposed to pay for my tall soy green tea latte at Starbucks? With my debit card? Sacre bleu!
I’m not sure how the phone disappeared since I was asleep during that time.
Did Carl give me Ambien again and I can’t fucking remember? This Agatha Chrsitie novel just turned into a Stephen King nightmare too quickly.
What is going on up in here?
I gently nudged Carl and asked him if he had seen my phone. He grunted and pulled the blanket over his head.
Some people have shitty attitudes in the morning.
I stared at him, trying to will him awake. Apparently, I don’t have mind powers.
I spent 45 goddamn minutes looking for my cell phone like an asshole – throwing clothes nilly willy, yelling in the kitchen, coaxing my memory to remember anything resembling my cell phone and all I came up with are a pair of dirty socks at the back of the closet.
My chest hurt, I needed to use my inhaler and what was stopping me from carrying around a flask?
The toddler went over to the bed, lifted up my pillow and revealed my cell phone.
I realize I have a serious problem. I need to get rid of my phone. What would happen if we all just got rid of all our cell phones?
The apocalypse, perhaps?
Then I found this cat video: this is me searching for my phone. Except picture a lot more stumbling and swearing. And probably some eating for comfort